It's Cloudy Now.

I feel as if I've been fighting some war or another my entire life. That sounds dramatic, and half the time I think it is -- everything was just my life, after all, but first it was Dad, then it was Potter and his group of elitists, then it was this war. There are days I'm not certain exactly how to move forward, I just know that I have to and somehow I do. And somehow, at least thus far, I survive.

That's not been the case for everyone. Evan and Gavin didn't. Regulus almost didn't. And it continues on and I wonder if anyone will. Sometimes I wonder whether even if the 'good guys' win this, and we all go back to normal lives just how normal those lives will be. I can pretend it's normal with Amalie, but that's not the same thing as actual normality.

Still, Mum didn't kill me despite the fact that I know I disappointed her. Chloe seems to think I've a shot at the Department of Mysteries. More than that, I think I'd like to work there cause the research I've done with Bones has been absolutely incredible to watch. I think I'm going to apply anyway. Unfortunately that'll mean the Dark Lord may want me to be eyes and ears inside the Ministry. I guess at least Podmore and the like will also know what I'm eyes and earsing.

When the war ends, cause I've got to think when, not if, it'll still be a good job. It'll still be the sort of job I think I'd like: work with potions, research and development, and away from most of the people in the Wizarding World most of the time. I think I could live with that.

I want you to know that I think I'm going to apply at the Department of Mysteris in the potions division. I don't know if I'll get in, but Chloe is already working there and she seems to think I might have a shot at it.

I'm going to apply for a position at the ministry, in the Department of Mysteries. Hopefully that just raises my mysterious, dark, and handsome quota in your eyes.

Well? That seemed to

Tonight?

I think I'll be out for a bit tonight. Might be a little bit late.

Master Jigger told me yesterday that I can take my final mastery test at the end of this month. I'll have had enough hours what with my hours he's counting from Master Bones. I can't believe I'm practically there.

I'm going to have to start studying more again -- I've no idea where I'll fit that in because I want to spend time with Amalie too, but if I get the Potion Mastery, then I can think about an actual job. Something that would bring in more income than what I'm doing, and maybe enough to actually think about -- well, eventually anyway, more than just me. Maybe.

I keep sitting here thinking about that damn vial and I don't know what to do about it. I don't know if I should ask Mum about it. There's really only one thing it could be though, right?

Regulus wasn't at Mr Lestrange's funeral either, and there's really only one reason I can think of that he wouldn't be. But I suppose I'll have my answer... or I will beat it out of him.

Mr Mulciber sir, I know that the timing is perhaps not ideal, but I should very much like to have some additional practices in duelling. With Evan's loss and the loss of Mr Lestrange, I -- I want to make certain that I am ready for any circumstance so that I do not fail the Dark Lord.

Lunch? Tomorrow? I know that I have just barely an hour and that's hardly enough time to do anything fancy, but perhaps just grab something at a cafe? If you'd like to?

First off, still alive? Secondly, I've got a ridiculous favour, although before I tell you what it is I'd rather like you to promise you're not going to ask any questions about it...

That was bloody brilliant, Severus. Stunning. Brilliant ability to keep your cool under pressure and not divulge every single thing you would like to not divulge. Brilliant ability to distract away from the things you'd rather not discussed. And you're a bloody spy? Seriously? it's a wonder you aren't dead.

I don't even want to think about what mum thinks. I just

If I needed to use you as an alibi potentially... that'd be all right?

My mother

How has your day been?

Well. At least one of these potions is not so very complicated. I think I can pick up the ingredients tomorrow, although I think I'm going to note it down on a sheet of paper and not take the book with me. I really don't want anyone thinking that I'm brewing contraceptive potions.

Even if I am.

I don't know. I mean, Since that one night there hasn't been any other strong move towards that so maybe I'm over thinking it, or maybe she's not actually interested, but no, I don't think that latter is it. We kiss all the time, so she's got to be interested, right? It's just -- it's just being prepared, right? If it happens, well, I'm not going to accidentally get her pregnant cause well, that'd just be a complete mess. So. I'm prepared. in case. Maybe.          Hopefully.

In the meantime, I don't really want this book on my shelf, cause if Mum sees it she'll ask questions and I don't really want her... worrying about that. I guess I can stick it under the mattress for now anyway. I can find a better place later.

And I shouldn't be worrying about my sex life when there's a bloody war going on.

Do you ever feel absolutely and completely helpless?

How's Celeste doing?

The obligatory safety question. How are you? Are your wards holding? Do you need anything?

And now the more serious one, which is, what are you doing this weekend? And the even more serious one, and would you like to be doing it with me?

I've been so buried in lab work -- well I feel like I've hardly seen you and I would very much like to remedy it with your permission to do so. And And, well, maybe we could try that over-night thing again?

You're staying in tonight, I hope?

I've been working on nonverbals most of the week and I think I am improving although I'm not obviously going to be at the level of most Aurors or the Inner Circle, but my accuracy is improving and that's a good thing.

It is also good to be moved, even if it's a bit unnerving to be closer to Hogsmeade on the full moon. Still, the wards or strong and I think we'll be fine. No, I'm sure we'll be fine.

Does Mr Zeller know about me?

I suppose the easiest way to approach this will be to get straight to the point.

I know that you are one of the vigilantes, sir. Regulus tells me that you are aware of my sit activities as well.

I just feel numb.

People keep bombarding me with questions and apologies and condolences and I don't even have time to sort out if they're serious or just offering them. I know Regulus is upset, or was.

I just keep seeing that gr that flash of green and Evan.

I don't know if it was their victory or ours.

I'm not even certain right now who is 'theirs' and who is 'ours'.


I don't know how - it's so much information to give them; we're on such a tightrope. What if she'd known about either of us? What if that had come out? There's no way I'd have been able to make out under the Dark Lord and Mr Nott's noses. I could die tomorrow or the next day or the day after that, just as eas-



This isn't productive. It isn't anything


It doesn't matter really. Everyone lost. Fuck this.

Pull yourself together Severus.

I'm going to leave for home early if that's all right. I don't feel particularly well. I think I may be coming down with something.

Ev You were asking abo Are you hap

Evan Rosier is dead. Meadowes killed him.

Dorcas Meadowes is also dead. The Dark Lord killed her.

But not - he questioned her with veritaserum. Likely the entirety of the Inner Circle knows your group membership by now.

Mr Zel

Where are you?

Have you Perhaps when I said I would be too busy this week, I was overly pessimistic. I've been told by my friends that I am sometimes. At any rate, I realised that there was an obvious logical error in my original statement. I said that the only free time I had would be devoted to eating and sleeping, but I forgot about the very obvious fact that one does not necessarily have to eat alone. I If you would like that at all, that is.

I don't know whether to thank you or curse you, so let's just leave it with, she's all right? Cause that's really the only thing that matters at all.

What's on your bedside table right now? I mean reading wise? Or, alternatively, elsewhere in a reading stack if you don't keep them beside your bed.

Still alive?

Easily the best night I've had in months.


Possibly ever.

First, Evan, I think it's worth thanking you for the French tutor. I still feel as if I am a halting speaker at best, but it has been useful, and I am learning. It is possible Sylvie would not recognise me... at least if she were only to hear me speak, as I'm pretty certain my looks have not changed that drastically.

Secondly, I gave my notice at the Library which means that instead of three jobs I am now back down to a reasonably sane two. And I suggest that this release of however many hours a week ought to be celebrated before my other job fills them back up again.

Any objections?

I have a thought. Well, more than one, really, but one at least that I thought I might share if you were inclined to be interested in it.

If you want your Auror friends to look over the wards I think I've done as much as I can. We could maybe move next week?

As much as I hate to have to do this, I think I need to turn in my resignation, or two weeks notice or whatever. My work with potions is getting more time intensive, and as much as I have enjoyed the library job and the opportunity you gave me, I think I would be doing both of my jobs injustice if I continued on.

If you should need anything though - and I don't really mean library wise, but potions or whatever, please do let me know. I'm more than grateful for the opportunity you've given me.

I I know I've not been particularly available, but thanks for coming last night. Thanks for being there. I do appreciate it a lot.

I almost always feel better at the prospect of a bunch of ancient books and work to review. If anything it's almost a relief because I can work my way through the words. They don't lie and they don't make things up - if it's in the book, I can figure my way through it and it's a hell of a lot easier than trying to make sense of people.

I can't help being a bit angry at Regulus. Why did he go off by himself? He could have trusted me and we could have put together a plan of some sort - was it that time sensitive that he had to do it right then? I'm glad he's alive. I - It could have been me. He's younger than I am and we were almost too late-

I guess I just can't stop thinking about what if we had been too late? He It's one thing to tell Lily I don't want to talk to her anymore and it's another entirely to think about what if something happened and we-


I shouldn't be- Amalie has no ide-

But I can't very well let her make the choice can I? I'm the only one that has all of the information and I don't- I can't share it.

If you ever do anything so fool hot he martyr-rific GRYFFINDOR again, you won't have to worry about a flock of Inferi because I will hunt you down and kill you myself.


All right?

I don't

Horcruxes.

Bloody hell.

Apparently watching your friend almost die by inferi puts you in a very bad mood.

Got a minute?

A bit late for a birthday present, I realise, but I have good news. I think we could be moved by the end of the month if I can figure out the wards so they're set up safely before we move.

Should be in time to start a garden this year if we want it.

Would you like to go to the play on Friday night or Sunday night? I realise both are rather short notice, but I believe I could get tickets for either, and Saturday night is, of course, out because of the Library gala thing.

And I hope you slept well the other night. I believe I am much more alert this evening.